Elfman's Masculine Guide to Being Manly
by Nemishiwa
Summary: Are you constantly questioning what is and isn't manly? Are people doubting your masculinity? Do you wish there was something to help you be manly? Then look no further than Elfman's Masculine Guide to Being Manly!
1. Prologue

Super short drabble stories to be read just for a laugh. Enjoy! Also, if you have any ideas, feel free to submit them. Credit will always be given!

Also, I am not a man so don't expect anything too serious.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fairy Tail.

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"What is _that_?" Cana leaned forward on her bar stool in order to get a better look at the book Elfman was holding. The cover was a warm, chocolate brown color and the title was printed in curling gold above a small picture of a flexing Elfman. The title read: _Elfman's Masculine Guide to Being Manly_. The entire guild was gathered around the take-over mage as he presented his new book. Lisanna looked at her sister in confusion.

"When did Elfman-nii have time to write a book?" Mira shrugged in response.

"You actually wrote a guide on being manly?" Gray asked and then turned to Lucy. "Elfman's book came out; when is yours going to?" Lucy growled at the ice mage before redirecting her attention back on Elfman.

"Yes, Gray, I did. Too many people are ignorant on the subject of manliness. I have taken it upon myself to inform everyone on how to be a man! It's the manly thing to do!" There was a collective sigh from the crowd. "I'm going to start with educating all of you!" Groans resounded. Some members who were closer to the doors tried to escape but the mages in the center prevented them from doing so. If they had to suffer, so should everyone else. "Let's begin!"


	2. Chapter 1

It's Masculine Monday! So here is an update.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter (which wasn't really a chapter but more of a prologue) and I really hope that I meet your expectations. Hopefully, none of you will be disappointed.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fairy Tail (for obvious reasons).

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_A man never turns down a challenge…_

"Truth or dare?" Cana asked Erza with a sly look. Erza thought about the question for a few moments before answering.

"Dare," Erza replied, hoping that the dare had to do with cake.

"Alright, I dare you to…" Cana thought about it for a minute. "How much armor do you have?"

"Over a hundred, why?"

"I dare you to clean all of your armor pieces with only a toothbrush!"

"Really? That's your dare?" Erza gave Cana an incredulous look. "That's too easy!"

"Fine! I dare you to…" Cana racked her brain for an idea. Suddenly a wicked idea struck her and an evil grin formed on Cana's face. "I dare you to get Elfman to wear all of your armors!" Erza looked shocked, then thoughtful. Finally, she nodded, accepting the challenge.

"Elfman!" Erza called out to the mage who was speaking with Gray and Romeo. Elfman paused his conversation to respond to the redhead.

"Yes?"

"I challenge you to—"

"I accept!" Elfman interrupted before Erza finished her sentence. Erza turned to Cana and mouthed, "_That was easy."_ Elfman strolled over to the female mages.

"What am I doing?"

"Well—" Cana smirked thinking that she was going to have _so_ much fun with this.

_Later_

Cana was _wrong_! Currently, the tarot mage was huddled in a corner of Erza's re-quip rooms, curled into the fetal position in an attempt to shake away the memory of Elfman wearing some of Erza's gaudier armors.

"Okay, I have the heaven's wheel armor on now. Hand me the next one," Elfman said, slightly regretting his acceptance of the challenge.

"Armor number 53, the ball gown," Erza said, handing Elfman the slinky, purple dress.

"I refuse," Elfman said, holding the dress as far from his body as possible. "I will not wear a dress."

"Seriously?!" Cana screamed in outrage from her corner. "You had no problem wearing that cat outfit but you draw the line at wearing a stupid dress?! You even wore the jiggle butt gang uniform. I'm going to have nightmares because of you! Nightmares!" Cana sprung to her feet and ran yelling and shrieking from Erza's rooms. Erza looked at the take-over mage who simply shrugged in response.

"Dresses aren't manly."

…_unless the challenge involves a dress._


	3. Chapter 2

Yay, updates! Thanks to everyone who reviewed and favorited. This next chapter is ubber short and not one of my favorites but I promise the next one will be better! Please review and tell me what I did wrong (grammar nazis, I summon thee) since I don't have any excuse for not knowing English. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fairy Tail

Characters Directly Involved: Mirajane and Lisanna (Elfman is a given)

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_A man always stays close to his family…_

"Elfman-nii, wait here and we'll be right back," Lisanna said to her brother as she grabbed her older sister's hand and dragged her towards their destination.

"No, I'll go with you!"

"You _can't_. We have to go _alone_!"

"But what if something bad happens to you?"

"_Elfman!_ For the last time, you cannot come with us to the ladies' room!"

…_unless doing so would question his masculinity._


	4. Chapter 3

I hope you guys weren't expecting a regular update because I'm not that kind of person. Sorry...

Thanks to all who reviewed/favorited/followed! By the way, this story will continue until I run out of ideas so, right now, it's looking like 25 chapters. My aim is 50 so don't fret! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fairy Tail (*cue "are you f-ing kidding me" face*)

Characters Directly Involved: Asuka and Lisanna

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_A man always tells the truth…_

"Elfman?" Elfman turned at the sound of his name. Asuka, Alzack and Bisca's daughter, looked up at the white haired man with large, teary eyes. "Gray said Santa Claus isn't real. Is he telling the truth?"

"Uh…" came his intelligent reply. "Well…you see, Santa is a fairy so we don't know if he's real or not."

Asuka's mouth made a little 'o' before she cracked a smile and all the warning signs of a heart-breaking revelation disappeared.

"Santa is a fairy? Does that mean he has a tail?"

Elfman grinned and responded, "What do you think?" Asuka ran off with a smile on her face. Elfman turned around only to find his younger sister glaring at him. He gave her a questioning look. "What?"

"Sure, you lie to Asuka but you just _had_ to spoil it for _me_ when we were little."

"I said I was sorry!"

"Sorry doesn't fix my childhood!"

…_unless doing so would ruin a childhood._


End file.
